Junkyard Carnival On Fast Track To “Club 27”?

[sharktrash]

Junkyard Carnival On Fast Track To “Club 27”?

by Frances Jones

With a new member, an album on the way, and a fantastic performance at this year’s South Vista Music Festival, it would appear that Junkyard Carnival is going strong as ever. But is that truly the case, or is it a carefully crafted front to assure fans that all is well with their favorite hellions, while in reality the band is barely holding on?

The management was extremely tight-lipped about the circumstances of the recent firing. Could it be that the wild Carnies lifestyle caught up to Wakana Sonozaki before the rest, possibly leaving her unfitting to fulfill her role as a drummer?

And we might be facing some much more painful replacements in near future.

The brilliant frontwoman Lucifer is reported to have posted a series of disturbing tweets a few weeks ago, detailing her early demise, giving herself as much as two years to live. Another publicity stunt, or could it be that she’s already feeling the effects of star sickness?

Moreover, the band’s bassist, who is better known for his brawls and troubles with police than music by now, has been caught on camera exclaiming regular usage of heroin. Is the bad boy Xanxus just trying to keep up his bad reputation, or is he actually overcome with addiction that’s been known to take people to the grave in the matter of months?

Is it too late? Would the music world and teenage population perhaps be better off without questionable rolemodels like this? Or can the Carnies still dispel whatever inner turmoil is causing this undoubtedly self-destructive behaviour and carry on with their legend?

In an attempt to shed some light on this situation, our reporters have reached out to the allegedly reasonable member of the group, Yuffie Kisaragi, asking her if the matters were really as dire as they seem. Unsettlingly, she happily insisted that "well, everyone's gonna be dead eventually,” and subsequently, suggested the journalist team to “fuck off”.

Make sure you get the chance to hear them live this season... just in case.

Comments

[stylistic_disloyalty]

Yeah, it is, but I can't have it both ways. Either it's real and I'm going to die, or we're all insane and about to become the new record for most musicians admitted to a madhouse in one go.

[Luci drags her hands down her face, trying to calm down, trying to banish the panic.] ...what would you do? If you only had two years to live?

[traumatizing]

What I'm doing now. [Shrug.] I've got nothing else, so fuck it.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

...yeah, same. [Luci pulls her hands down until they're resting over her mouth in thought. This shit should not get to her. This is not real, this is some crazy... asbestos-level insanity.]

I'd just keep trying to inspire the crowds. As much as I could before the end. Otherwise... what would be the point?

[traumatizing]

Exactly. [Terry parks himself at the breakfast bar next to Luci, frown thoughtful as he looks sideways at her.]

Everything I've got to give goes into the music and the shows. If what I've got in me turns out to be finite... I don't see why that should change.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

You wouldn't want to try anything else? Love? Travel? Your own underwear line? [She asks with a wry smirk.]

[traumatizing]

[A snort, and he gestures broadly.] Sure. "Tighty-blackies by Trauma." I'll sell millions.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

Everybody needs tight black underwear that says 'Trauma' on the waistband. I'd buy it. [She grins and shoulders him a little.]

[traumatizing]

I've never been much of a marketing guy, but I think we're on to something here. I'll just tell Page it's some kind of art project to get them on board.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

Terry, darling. You don't have to market anything. You put the underwear on, someone takes a picture of you looking dark and brooding and nearly naked-- they fly off the shelves.

[traumatizing]

[That actually gets a laugh from him - the idea of modelling underwear is just so absurd to him that he can't help it.]

Guess I better get some printed then, huh?

[stylistic_disloyalty]

A-S-A-P~ [She sings for him, smirking faintly. This is better than talking about this idiotic tabloid. Teasing Terry about underwear modeling is miles better.]

Come on, show me your best model-expression. [She says turning to face him and looking mock-critical of the upcoming performance.]

[traumatizing]

Hang on-- [He smudges some of his eyeliner and turns sideways in his seat. With an exaggerated sigh, Terry shakes his head - whipping his hair about his face - and drapes himself a little over the back of the chair. And of course, where would we be without the scowl-slash-pout on his face as he stares off into the middle distance.]

[It's all a bit "grumpy teen on family vacation just got told to put phone away" and OTT. Perfect.]

[stylistic_disloyalty]

[Luci bites her lips trying to keep from laughing but damn.]

You are too good at that. [She laughs.]

[traumatizing]

[He straightens up and brushes some hair out of his eyes with a smile.] You should've seen me in my prime.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

Oh-- [Luci's laugh becomes dark and intimidating.] You can't say something like that and not show me pictures. Pictures now. [And there's the grabby-hand.]

[traumatizing]

Oh no. [FINGERWAG] Unless you plan on tracking down my parents, those pictures are never seeing the light of day.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

... [She pulls her phone out, eyebrows raised-- oh just watch her, Terry.] Brace yourself, dawn is coming.

[traumatizing]

[He hasn't spoken to his family in years so GOOD LUCK with that one. Though perhaps he should know better than to underestimate Yuffie's partner in crime. Either way, he has his arms crossed with a smug look on his face, 100% certain he's got her beat on this.]

[stylistic_disloyalty]

[It takes a few minutes, true, and Luci's eyebrows come together as she has to work harder-- but finally...]

Oh look at that, your cousin has a Facebook page~ [Why yes, 'Send Message', Facebook.]

[traumatizing]

[oh no]

[oH NO]

Which one-- Is that Simon?

[He leans in to try and get a look at her phone. IT BETTER NOT BE SIMON.]

[stylistic_disloyalty]

[She shows it to him.]

[It's totally Simon.]

[traumatizing]

[UGH.]

[He throws up his hands in defeat. No longer will anyone think he's cool.]

[stylistic_disloyalty]

[Luci cackles and hits 'send' on her message.]

What's wrong with him? He run your underwear up the flagpole when you were thirteen?

[traumatizing]

He's just generally a dick.

[Shrug. Everyone knows the type-- not actually a Bad Person, but somehow completely awful regardless.]

But by the looks of that photo, he's going bald already. So I'd describe this last thirty seconds as a mixed bag.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

Eugh. [Luci looks at her phone again with a wince. A bland dick. Her least favorite type.]

Well, in that case, his little bald heart should stop when a famous rockstar starts messaging him.