Junkyard Carnival On Fast Track To “Club 27”?

[sharktrash]

Junkyard Carnival On Fast Track To “Club 27”?

by Frances Jones

With a new member, an album on the way, and a fantastic performance at this year’s South Vista Music Festival, it would appear that Junkyard Carnival is going strong as ever. But is that truly the case, or is it a carefully crafted front to assure fans that all is well with their favorite hellions, while in reality the band is barely holding on?

The management was extremely tight-lipped about the circumstances of the recent firing. Could it be that the wild Carnies lifestyle caught up to Wakana Sonozaki before the rest, possibly leaving her unfitting to fulfill her role as a drummer?

And we might be facing some much more painful replacements in near future.

The brilliant frontwoman Lucifer is reported to have posted a series of disturbing tweets a few weeks ago, detailing her early demise, giving herself as much as two years to live. Another publicity stunt, or could it be that she’s already feeling the effects of star sickness?

Moreover, the band’s bassist, who is better known for his brawls and troubles with police than music by now, has been caught on camera exclaiming regular usage of heroin. Is the bad boy Xanxus just trying to keep up his bad reputation, or is he actually overcome with addiction that’s been known to take people to the grave in the matter of months?

Is it too late? Would the music world and teenage population perhaps be better off without questionable rolemodels like this? Or can the Carnies still dispel whatever inner turmoil is causing this undoubtedly self-destructive behaviour and carry on with their legend?

In an attempt to shed some light on this situation, our reporters have reached out to the allegedly reasonable member of the group, Yuffie Kisaragi, asking her if the matters were really as dire as they seem. Unsettlingly, she happily insisted that "well, everyone's gonna be dead eventually,” and subsequently, suggested the journalist team to “fuck off”.

Make sure you get the chance to hear them live this season... just in case.

Comments

[traumatizing]

[UGH.]

[He throws up his hands in defeat. No longer will anyone think he's cool.]

[stylistic_disloyalty]

[Luci cackles and hits 'send' on her message.]

What's wrong with him? He run your underwear up the flagpole when you were thirteen?

[traumatizing]

He's just generally a dick.

[Shrug. Everyone knows the type-- not actually a Bad Person, but somehow completely awful regardless.]

But by the looks of that photo, he's going bald already. So I'd describe this last thirty seconds as a mixed bag.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

Eugh. [Luci looks at her phone again with a wince. A bland dick. Her least favorite type.]

Well, in that case, his little bald heart should stop when a famous rockstar starts messaging him.

[traumatizing]

I'd apologise for when he inevitably starts hitting on you, but I refuse to feel bad for any of what's happening right now.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

Oh don't feel bad at all, Terry darling. [Luci grins, watching her phone, just waiting.] I haven't had a new toy in a long time.

[traumatizing]

[He just laughs and shakes his head, looking at her phone too. How did this even happen.]

[stylistic_disloyalty]

[She's grinning away, so excited by this and finally:]

sry, who ru?

[...Luci looks positively stunned.]

...he could just click my name and find out.

[traumatizing]

Wow.

[That is 100% not what he expected.]

I guess that's just too much work.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

...your cousin is a dick. [Luci decides, crossing her arms and pouting frowning. High school friends, Terry must have some of those.]

[traumatizing]

I told you.

[He raises an eyebrow, but doesn't dare look smug yet-- Not with the look on her face.] Give up yet?

[stylistic_disloyalty]

No. [She glowers at her phone and starts swiping.] I will see terrible photos of you if it's the last thing I do.

I mean, come on, we all have them. You want to see mine?