Tabloid - Interstellar Star

[variaboss]

All that beautiful hair is all a sham.

by Vidal Sassoon

Today I mustache you a question and you're allowed to mullet over. But don't take to long because it's fairly apparant that there is a sham in our midst. Two shams in fact. Koumei Ren from Cosmic Indulgence and Superbia Squalo of MANTICORE, both known for their luscious long locks have been perpetuating a hair raising scam. I little beard told me and others have whisker it in my ears. I have recorded them and I have watched the highlights. I now have undeniable proof that both those mile long lengths of hair are in fact wigs! Let these pictures speak for themselves.
(Images of Squalo and Koumei deeply photoshopped to be very very bald)

As you can see it doesn't take Sherlock to comb through the evidence and get to the root of the issue. We can see the sun's reflection for their naked domes. Hair today, gone tomorrow!

It's no wonder if looks so good. To get a wig like that, these men have toupee a lot of money. But this is a very hairy situation for these two folically challenged rock stars. Why they thought to fool us and joined the hairforce is anyone's guess. Perhaps they were hoping for a permanent fix to their situation. Or maybe they were hoping we would never find out.

Any attempt to contact the two has been cut short by their management. The stars themselves were rather snippy with Squalo claiming that his hair is not only real but that he keeps it shiny and smooth by sacrifice small children to the devil. But really, that's cutting it fine and I hope they will come clean with us and straighten out this problem.

Remember boys; bald can be beautiful too. Let those wigs fall to the wayside. Don't get more tangled in your lies and bare who you really are to the world.

Comments

[dishevelment]

Koumei Ren @therealkoumeiren
@interstellarstar My brush begs to differ. #lies #alllies #naturalbornredheadandproud

[maipokerface]

Mai @theicequeen @interstellarstar if i read another hair pun...

[stylistic_disloyalty]

L U C ┼ F E R @lightbringer @betterthanu @therealkoumeiren Heads up guys, I think all of these small children and animals are getting lost in the mail.

L U C ┼ F E R @lightbringer #canwetalkabouthownooneisaccusingmeofdevilworship

these puns are making me cry, you're amazing

[agains]

hue & cry & goodman @RealGoodman · Jan 12 @longlocks @therealkoumeiren if it is #kissagingerday & the red hair is only a wig, does that make the person ineligible? i may need to apologize to someone

hue & cry & goodman @RealGoodman · Jan 12 @betterthanyou @therealkoumeiren i trust that you both speak the truth and i quite admire your hair.

[ apparently it really IS kiss a ginger day? but more importantly please pretend LOL CHARACTER COUNT and that first tweet is separated properly. ]

[worthlesspride]

[In the Pride HQ lunch area, Tooru falls out his chair laughing]