interstellar90210 | ontd_bandom: LMAO I HOPE THEY PRESS CHARGES

"BANDOM" CONVENTION DISRUPTED AFTER BALL PIT FIGHT INJURES 9, HURTS FEELS OF 28
Goss Siphund

J. Jabrams, 32, did not expect BandCon III to end in tears and police sirens. The convention organizer made the mistake of asking attendees to talk about their favorite public figure in the music industry -- immediately sending the fans into a frothing rage when others disagreed with their opinions.

"My husband will post bail!" one teenage girl cried as she was led away in cuffs, desperately clinging to a glittery basketball. "Kise and I are married on the astral plane and nothing can change that!"

She, like many others, are being charged with various degrees of unarmed assault.

In a sparse room filled only with a bouncy-castle and ball pit, a 40-year old homemaker broke two noses while claiming Xanxus, Luci, and Luce were "the unholy trinity of crossover ot3s." When further prompted, she added, "Luce grounds them and keeps them from becoming true devils, even though the potential for corruption is half the fun."

One young man broke his neck after the "sharkwives," a group of older women who've collectively agreed that MANTICORE's Squalo belongs to all of them, said voilence was the answer to his love of Tamara. "We know what's best for Squalo," said the spokeswife. "That punk kid doesn't deserve her."

"Kido, my genderless angel," "Yan-chan," and "Queen Undyne" were also hills fans sought to die on.

Another young man had his shirt torn off, revealing a "#slashstep" tattoo*, but suffered no physical injuries. He was reticent, and could only be coaxed into giving a short statement. "I need to get home and update my fanfic."

Co-organizer Be En-Eff, as the night came to a close, was heard to whisper, "Thank god I didn't tell anyone I share a soul with the Doctor's Cello. Or that Greg Universe is the astral father of my baby."

*Editor's note: a reader has pointed out it's no typo, but rather a common term among Flashstep fans, who insist the bandmates are entirely polyamorous with each other.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ slowly closes the tabloid, pulls out a lighter and sets it aflame ]

Edited 2016-01-04 08:05 (UTC)

Garnet @garnetthegneissgirl

Sent some get-well items to the young man whose neck was broken during #bandconiii #getwellsharkbait #noreallydisclaimerthatiswhathecallshimself

Edited 2016-01-04 14:00 (UTC)

SHARKWIFE # 67 @JasmineT

We sharkwives do not condone this behavior. Our attacks should be more focused. #sharkbaitwasonlypractice #anything4squalo #noregrets #disgustingoldpianistsshouldgetbent

Edited 2016-01-04 15:03 (UTC)

[ this is clearly a bad idea but it's at the tip of his tongue... er, fingers. ]

S. Squalo @betterthanyou ·

@JasmineT yeah you really won't manage to kill Batman like that

@betterthanyou Husband, but we aren't interested in Batman. We are interested in you. Your needs.

[ holy shit. "husband". maybe he should stop replying already. ]

[ ...let's see how far his brave soul can venture. ]

@JasmineT And I need that batty wanker dead. You're like halfway there already with that getup. #chopchop

@betterthanyou But Batman is not real...

[You can laugh your ass off at the sheer irony of a delusional obsessed fan convinced she's your wife that somehow knows Batman isn't real.]

[ Naw it's actually a little unsettling. ]

@JasmineT neither are you, right

[This... is too strange for comment right now. Like she's just gonna throw the tabloid in the garbage and get a drink and maybe check on that poor fan of hers.

What in the fuck did she just read?

A couple of hours later, this message comes.]

💮TAMARA💮 @daturapiano

Just sent my fan some flowers and a voicemail of encouragement. #bandconiii #imnotreligious #butiwillpray4someofyall #seriously

Edited 2016-01-04 15:54 (UTC)

Artolo Apemis @jackofthorns

@daturapiano Stop encouraging the weirdos, mom

@jackofthorns But Artolo, that poor boy got his neck BROKEN.

@daturapiano That's what happens when you go to conventions #shithappens

@daturapiano And also what happens when you talk with weird ass fans

@daturapiano God I hope no one is married to me on the astral plane or some shit #2gaywtooru

L U C ┼ F E R @lightbringer

@fuckshirts @lilyoverbones Is it a bad thing that this Unholy OT3 doesn't sound awful? #winkwinknudgenudge

ontd_bandom: LMAO I HOPE THEY PRESS CHARGES

reaction

reaction and twitter

sharkwife account

dat userpic tho

sooooo creepy

no subject

no subject

no subject

reaction/twitter

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject