TABLOID: Star Words

[consocius]

CLOUD, ROXAS, AND SORA:
SHOCKING ORIGINS UNCOVERED!!
By Hunny Icetrunk

As I'm sure all our readers are aware, there's already been talk and speculation about the blonde-hair/blue-eye resemblance of some of Hue and Cry's members, but our expert, top-quality researchers have found out the TRUTH about not only Roxas and Cloud, but another blue-eyed, spiky-haired star as well: Sora from Flashstep.

We'd like you to take a close look at our photographic evidence, compare not only the colors (or hues, if you will), but also the similarity in hair texture as well as style. Something else that should be closely noted is facial structure, particularly between that of Sora and Roxas. We've taken some pictures from as similar of angles as we could, with as similar of expressions as we could, and overlaid them to compare. Roxas' and Sora's facial structure appears to be an EXACT MATCH! Even WEIRDER, Cloud's is not that different! The only conclusion one can come to?

CLONES!! Clearly Cloud Strife has had clones of himself made, though he seems to play FAVORITES with them, as evidenced by the fact he remains in the same band with Roxas, while issuing death threats to Sora over social media while apparently too inebriated to use better judgment. "There can only be one." A play on Sora's twitter handle? Or is it an expression of regret that he ever cloned himself in the first place?

This revelation brings MANY questions we don't yet have answers for. Do Roxas and Sora know that they're Cloud's clones? Sora appears to play dumb on social media, and we've had no evidence that Roxas knows about it either, though he showed initial hostility toward his father-clone on Twitter when they first joined the band together. Two: Could there be more Cloud clones out there, ones that aren't celebrities and just haven't been discovered? Three: What was Cloud's reasoning behind cloning himself in the first place? Are his motivations nefarious, or was it simply an act of pride and vanity?

You'll have to wait until next issue to find out the results of any further investigation, dear readers! Until then, keep your eyes peeled for any more Cloud clones you pass on the street, and send all stealth pictures to P.O. Box Yadda Yadda Star Words, Vista City.