Someone throw him a bone

[twoscompany]

GREG UNIVERSE'S LITTLE PROBLEM
IT'S SMALL, ITS HAIRY, AND ITS HIS!
By: Eli Parpet
We all heard the news about Greg Universe's impending child with his secret wife, Meril, and of course normally we would wish them the best of luck and congratulations. However, it turns out that Greg's got a nasty little secret that he gives his paramours - a hot dog of a dilemma, as we're about to reveal!

As it turns out, just before he hit it big, Greg was in a relationship with T*, who had been dating him for some time, only to abruptly dump her when she learned the truth. Indeed, she has been trying to contact him through Virgo Records, to no avail, and she has decided she has had enough. This is her first ever interview, exclusively with us.

"Its time everyone learned what messing with him gives you," she explains. "When I first laid eyes on it, once it came out of me, I couldn't believe it. It was flopping around, making unnatural noises from the front and back. I'd been betrayed! Shamed! And there was nothing I could do about it - nothing I can do!"

Indeed, we couldn't believe our eyes when we saw it! Or, perhaps we should say HIM!



Ladies and gentlemen, this is Milo Universe, Greg's son with T. When it was born, he was barely a pound, and as you can see, there's a reason T is so desperate for Greg's response. It turns out Greg really is a werewolf, and all children sired by him become canine-esque abominations!

T has informed us she's pursuing a DNA test to show once and for all Milo's paternity, and intends to sue the man she calls "that hound dog" for child support. Looks like T might be a prologue to what Meril might expect once she gives birth to her bouncing bundle of joy - especially if Greg's roving eye causes him to bark up another tree once he tires of her!