Police Say This Needs To End

[trustme]

SNACK ATTACK
by Rick Role

Artists, particularly those with less than usual fashion choices, are often targets of religious zealot groups and wild rumors about cult involvement or devil worship. The minute someone dyes their hair or wears colored eye contacts, controversy lovers jump at the chance to claim it’s a sign of evil. Vista is a big city; it’s no surprise there have been clashes between the traditionalists and the rebels. Still, there are those who are beyond just paranoid, who won’t settle for writing articles and banning their children from listening to certain types of music. Among all the over-the-top reactions to devil-worship rumors, the Cracker Case is among the oddest and silliest to date.

Ever since a recent article was released suggesting that salt can purify the latest devil-possessed artists from Pride and Virgo, several artists have been bombarded- quite literally- with salty snacks, most commonly crackers. Kido the bassist from System Crash and Celty the pianist of Vandalism in Progress were recently seen together in public under attack by an upset religious group. While no injuries were sustained, onlookers witnessed several people from said religious group tossing saltine cracker boxes at the two, at least one hitting its target.

That was just one of multiple instances to date. On Viewtube it seems a new video of celebrities getting food thrown at them is added every day. It’s such an odd form of attack, skeptics are starting to believe that this is less of a religious attack and more of a trend or even product placement. Ritz crackers has been accused several times now of picking up Celty as a secret sponsor. No word from the cracker maker yet. Other groups, mostly fans of the bands that have been dragged into this food fight, have tried to put a positive spin on the trend by tossing snacks performers are known to like up on stage during performances in the place of flowers and more traditional gifts. Rumor has it Virgo Entertainment will even be organizing a food drive during the label’s next public concert to take advantage of the concept.

Meanwhile Vista City police are keeping an eye out for future snack attacks. Commissioner Bard had this say: “Celebrity or not, everyone has the right to feel safe when they walk down the streets of our city. We will not tolerate any future attacks, and those caught in the act will be arrested. Everyone is free to practice the religion of their choice but it does not stand as an excuse for assault or other acts of violence.”