Tabloid : the Interstellar Star

[variaboss]

Rockstar Possessed by the Devil
by Ima Lyre

Secret images of Kido of System Crash just immerged today.




This shocking image was sent in to our magazine by a private source. The source would not identify themselves but insisted that the image was not faked in any way. They shared this with us so that we could send the message out to our readers about the dangers of demonic possession.

As seen above, this image is absolute proof that System Crash is actually a cult of Satan Worshipers. They have all made pacts with the devil. Our stalwart investigative reporters got into their penthouse and discovered the floors and walls covered with strange symbols and drawings. Perhaps there are doorways that open onto the Fiery Abyss. They preform secret nightly rituals to call upon the Devil to give them the skill they use to play their music in exchange for their immortal souls.

Kido, obviously possessed by a Demon, has been seen acting erratically. An insider at the holiday party noted that she had been promiscuous, even going into a room alone with a few other members of other bands. Names have been withheld to protect the innocent. But surely, she was there to lure these poor innocent souls into sin.

With the Solstice fast approaching, the devil within her has awakened to spread it's evil upon the world. Sources say that the only way to drive the devil out is to throw boxes of crackers at her. I for one have a large box of saltines ready should we ever cross paths.

Comments

[blindfoldcode]

ᴋɪᴅᴏ @kbomi ... Crackers. You couldn't come up with anything better. #fml

[losingherhead]

Celty Sturluson @sturlingcelty @kbomi No mention of what level of hell you come from at all. Seriously lack of journalism

[blindfoldcode]

ᴋɪᴅᴏ @kbomi @sturlingcelty i can tell you the circle of hell i'll end up going to if this shit keeps going on

[losingherhead]

Celty Sturluson @sturlingcelty @kbomi Just keep out of heresy, those fiery tombs can't be comfortable.

[She read Dante in college okay. She thinks. She can't think of anywhere else she might've read it.]

[blindfoldcode]

ᴋɪᴅᴏ @kbomi @sturlingcelty Where do they send killers?

[losingherhead]

Celty Sturluson @sturlingcelty @kbomi I'm 90% sure that falls under violence

[blindfoldcode]

ᴋɪᴅᴏ @kbomi @sturlingcelty Prepare me because Xanxus is fucking dead.

[losingherhead]

Celty Sturluson @sturlingcelty @kbomi He's probably getting frozen in hell ice.

[blindfoldcode]

ᴋɪᴅᴏ @kbomi @sturlingcelty ... I really fucking hope he can see that.

[Celty that was so rude.]

[sailorlaughter]

PINKIE!!! @pinkapalooza · Look on the bright side! Free crackers! #withcheeseplease

[blindfoldcode]

ᴋɪᴅᴏ @kbomi @pinkapalooza If I fill cabinets with crackers someone's gonna start getting suspicious.

[sailorlaughter]

PINKIE!!! @pinkapalooza · Mon DD No worries I'll eat them

[blindfoldcode]

ᴋɪᴅᴏ @kbomi @pinkapalooza Go right ahead.

[sailorlaughter]

PINKIE!!! @pinkapalooza · LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE I'M AIDING DEMONS MUAHAHAHAHA #saltineslayer

[stylistic_disloyalty]

L U C ┼ F E R @lightbringer What shoddy journalism. None of System Crash has made any sort of pact with me. #notthatimopposed

[twoscompany]

Garnet @garnetthegneissgirl So is it true that you can be stopped by saltines?

[stylistic_disloyalty]

L U C ┼ F E R @lightbringer @garnetthegneissgirl Oh G-O-D no. A nice package of Ritz and some sharp cheddar though... #damnnowimhungry

[twoscompany]

Garnet @garnetthegneissgirl @lightbringer You sure you want to advertise that?

[stylistic_disloyalty]

L U C ┼ F E R @lightbringer @garnetthegneissgirl Might get me a giant influx of Ritz from my dear freaks! #feedme

[twoscompany]

Garnet @garnetthegneissgirl @lightbringer" Will these do?

[stylistic_disloyalty]

L U C ┼ F E R @lightbringer @garnetthegneissgirl UGH, SO ORANGE AND YET SO DELICIOUS. #exorcised

[twoscompany]

Garnet @garnetthegneissgirl @lightbringer The power of peanut butter compels you! Now to give some to @kbomi.

[stylistic_disloyalty]

L U C ┼ F E R @lightbringer @garnetthegneissgirl What, peanut butter? I already told her soup is the top choice here. #handsoffthepeanutbutter

[twoscompany]

Garnet @garnetthegneissgirl @lightbringer What about...peanut butter soup?

[liarmonstersnappydresser]

Bill Cipher (ViP) @ghflskhu_ph· Mon DD IF YOU CALL *THAT* DEMONIC POSSESSION, I'M DISAPPOINTED! THEY OUGHT TO AT LEAST BE LIGHTING THEIR INSTRUMENTS ON FIRE OR SUMMONING SOME SCREAMING HEADS WITH THAT KIND OF DEAL. #VHULRVOB LWV D ZDVWH RI DRWHQWLDO!