interstellar90210 | (no subject)

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	✿❀✿ Nia ✿❀✿ @officialnia
Why was I born?

	✿❀✿ Nia ✿❀✿ @officialnia
Why do I even exist?

	✿❀✿ Nia ✿❀✿ @officialnia
Am i just a doll?

	✿❀✿ Nia ✿❀✿ @officialnia
am i going to be thrown away?

	✿❀✿ Nia ✿❀✿ @officialnia
what will happen when people get bored of me

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I can't do anything... even when they do.

Don't say that. Never say that. If you say it too many times, then you believe and...

[There was that voice again, the one he sometimes got that seemed to nag at him whenever he was being particularly nasty towards other people. Ankh echoed the words he was hearing.]

If you don't reach out your hand, if you don't even try, then how can you know that you are not able to do anything?

I couldn't stop myself from hurting anyone. I didn't even think something was wrong.

That makes it sound like there's a trigger, doesn't it? That you're getting controlled because if you thought it always, you wouldn't be acting this way now.

But if someone does it to me again... I won't be able to stop it will I?

We don't know that yet. Maybe we won't at first but there's got to be a give some where. They can't force us all the time.

[Nia just presses herself against him.]

I am very afraid Mr. Blanche made it seem like he can.

[And he just wraps an arm around her to hold her and to coo softly in an odd cadence of notes that is suppose to soothe.]

We'll see just what he can and can't do. Meanwhile, don't draw attention to yourself or we'll find out if he can order us to act that way again.

[She goes tense at that and nods.]

I don't want to draw attention at all.

Then keep your head down, don't get too out of focus and if anything weird happens - talking in tongues to weird hair color - act like it's something that you did in your spare time.

But what if I start speaking in tongues and can't replicate it or something? Won't it be strange?

It doesn't go away.

[Ankh switched languages, going from his sharp English to a guttural harsh language that was a close cousin to German. He hugged her to show he wasn't ignoring her.]

You may know just a snippet or it will get all confusing at first but it will get better and it doesn't get forgotten. Trust your gut about anything you suddenly can do. It's a part of us.

I am not so sure trusting my gut is the best idea right now...

Is your gut telling you to run away from this? Or is it telling you that you are a doll like what you were saying in those tweets?

I don't know... I just feel like there is something wrong with me. Like there is something missing.

[He hesitates for a moment, turning slightly to look at the small teen curled against him. She wanted... well, she wanted to be loved and cherished. He could taste it and he could feel that it was a strong desire, something that was worthy for something. He couldn't name what it was, but he could hear the phantom calling of those coins again.]

That's because there is something missing. The guy in the silver mask said that we're missing something and it may come back to us.

[She blinks up at him. So he's confirming it? She's right? There really is something missing?]

Who... who is he?

The less I know, the less someone can force it outta me, you know?

[Not that he expected to get told by the guy anything more then stuff he had guessed. Because he did guess a little, especially when things were seeming too strange just for random dreams from too much work and stress. Especially when the Taka Medal formed above his arm the first time he ran into Silver.]

Bad enough they can make us kill, it would be worse if they took away what little information that can answer what is happening with us.

[She looks down again, at her hands this time.]

... Do you think we will get out of this, somehow?

We can do anything, so long as people don't figure out that we know something is screwed up. Right?

... Isn't it obvious that we know, now, though? I spoke to Mr. Blanche... he knows that we're all aware of what happened.

I think something more than what happened at the party.

[There was a slight huff because she should think of this herself after all. But she was upset and scared and Ankh shouldn't let that ruffle his feathers too much.]

I mean in our personal lives.

Do you think he doesn't know about that? [Because it seems like he's too aware of these things to not know...]

Just because he knows of it, doesn't mean that he realizes we know it. Remember how you said that you felt like it's the best idea ever to go around hurting people?

[It's hard to explain it without giving away the information other people have given him. What they confided him with shouldn't be spread around like crazy after all.]

If that's something they can do to us, maybe they think we are more under some kind of power instead of just a one-time thing. Maybe they may not be aware that we are more aware then they want us to be.

So he... so he thinks we are brainwashed. [Nia takes a second to consider this... her heart's beating in her ears. She can't ever remember feeling anything like how she felt when she remembered Simon. Maybe... maybe they are brainwashed?

She's not sure. She's afraid to think like that. Something in her is rejecting it completely.]