Twitter (@cosmicqueen)

[gunslingerqueen]

riko @cosmicqueen · Dec 6 starlings and friends ever since a certain SOMEONE #flashstepped all over my heart i have been really down! All I want for solstice is

riko @cosmicqueen · Dec 6 to spend it with someone hot and funny and sweet. And you all know I'm more than happy to give more than I get. so won't you help me find someone to keep me warm for the holidays? #andmaybelonger #alliwantforsolsticeisyou

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[gunslingerqueen]

[She can listen. And occasionally sniffle as quietly as would be reasonable for the situation.]

I really did like you. [That's not the right thing to say, probably, she figures that out quickly enough.] I'm sorry, I know it doesn't mean anything now it's just --

[Breathe. She has to breathe.]

It's okay. I'm sorry I flipped out at you, it wasn't right and that's not - it's not even how I really feel! [As evidenced by all the crying. She was reacting out of pain but that didn't make it right.]

Rei's the sweetest girl in the world, though! And she's smart and witty you'll - there's no reason to not completely fall in love with her. [Ahahahaha. Hah. So this is what torturing yourself feels like!! But she's trying to not make him feel worse, okay, she's done enough of that.] You'll be really happy.

[punchesyu]

[It sucks to hear her be sad. The sniffles suck, her trying to be happy and supportive sucks even though he appreciates it, because he doesn't want her to be sad and he's sure there's not much he can do to try to make it better right now.]

Thanks...but hey, don't worry about Rei or any of that right now, okay? I'm just glad you picked up the phone so we could talk. I really didn't want to lose you as a friend over this. That woulda made this a thousand times worse. That is, if it's still cool with you.

[gunslingerqueen]

[He still wants to be friends. ... That's probably the right, nice thing but hearing it stings.]

Yeah, of course. [She doesn't really know how they're supposed to be friends, or how it's not going to be completely awkward to hang out in any sense. Maybe he's just saying they should be friends and they'll basically never talk again. She doesn't know, but leaving it all off at a semi-decent point is probably for the best.]

I wouldn't want to not be friends.

[But she is going to go be incredibly stupid in order to hopefully bury what she used to feel so far in her brain that it might not have ever really existed!]

[punchesyu]

Yeah!

[He tries to sound cheery. He wants to try to get her spirits up. He may not be so cheery later if someone actually tries to come and hurt him over this later, but right now the sniffles and the sad voice on the other end of the line won't merit him freaking out angry at her. That wasn't her fault, but it didn't help that she tweeted about it.]

I mean, we've got a mystery to figure out too, so it probably wouldn't be good if we weren't speaking to each other. ...hahaha, right?

[He's a little nervous, despite all this. Girls can be Very Touchy and he is Very Bad At Words sometimes.]

[gunslingerqueen]

Right.

[She knows he's just trying to help and it's because of that she manages to sound a little more like herself. She and Yosuke had agreed to try and figure things out somewhat logically as they went out, watching out for their Pride members as much as they could. That had nothing to do with their almost-romance and it's now timely death, but it was nice to fall back on.

It just didn't really help solve the problem.]

It'll be okay, I think it's just [The worst. The absolute fucking worst.] probably going to take time.

[punchesyu]

I...don't wanna make you uncomfortable or anything so...

[How does he even say this.]

I can give you some space if you need it. I sorta know how this goes, so... [His voice trails off. He's sure he doesn't need to tell her any more than that, plus he doesn't really want to get into his multiple rejections from women.]

[gunslingerqueen]

Yeah.

[What is she agreeing to? Who knows. It seems like the proper one-worded response to give so that's what comes out. Nariko breathes a little, trying to keep it the sound o fit from the phone. She still doesn't feel like herself but she doesn't have the room to feel unbelievably angry, either, so maybe it's an improvement.]

We're good, so just take care of yourself, okay?

[She doesn't know if she'll actually ever talk to him again but either way they've said as much as they can to one another.]

[punchesyu]

Yeah. You too.

[He doesn't sound too happy. In fact, he's not sure what he's just set up for themselves. It feels awkward and weird, and he doesn't like it at all. It feels reaching, but he tries for one last thing with her.]

Give me a call when you're feeling alright, okay? We can go see a movie or get something to eat.

[gunslingerqueen]

[There's no version of this conversation that gets to be happy or smooth, Yosuke.]

I will. [She probably won't. It's difficult to imagine spending any time with him without a sense of regret or complete embarrassment.] Just - [Just don't even think about her for this interim period, or something like that. But she catches that bitter part of herself before it comes out.] ... Goodbye, Yosuke.

[She hangs up before she has a chance to regret it.]

[punchesyu]

[He looks down at the phone in his hand after she hangs up. Something tugs in his chest- the fact that she might not want to talk to him again is a thought that immediately surfaces. He hopes that wasn't a final goodbye, tucking his cellphone back into his pocket as he finds his bed and flops on it.

He thought his luck finally changed, but it turns out he's not sure if he lost a friend in this whole exchange. It's not fair, he tells himself, this is stupid and why do these things have to happen. He wouldn't give Rei up, but he sure as hell didn't want this to happen.]