interstellar90210 | Why Did They Hire The Old Guy?

Hard To Make It To Big Labels? Not If You’re A Relative!

by Canni H. Tow

In light of recent speculations about the shady relationship between MÄNTICORE’s lead and resident cellist, a much more heinous example of employment fraud connected to this very same band has almost slipped past the media’s eye.

While the skill of the band’s drummer Jecht can not be doubted, many had been puzzled about the management’s decision to cast him in the line-up instead of someone whose age was closer to the act’s target audience. There is certainly no shortage of young talent under Pride’s radar, so why was the choice made to hire a drummer who, according to a reliable source, “has been celebrating his 40th birthday for at least three years now”?

Turns out the answers lie in the past. Someone close to the band has pointed out the multiple physical similarities between the drummer and the band’s manager “Kid”, and further backtracking has revealed evidence that they have both taken part in the underground boxing rings, quite likely as a team under the popular 2v2 format. Considering the fact that both of these men seem to be set on keeping their last names secret, it’s reasonably likely that they are at least cousins if not siblings, and decided to share their success in the music industry while eschewing the obstacles usually associated with such a feat.

Another fact supporting this claim is Jecht’s tendency to hit drums harder than most musicians are even capable of, which contributes to the band’s powerful sound but causes many headaches to the attending staff. “It’s a nightmare,” says J.B., an executive assistant in the South Vista Music Festival. “We had to replace parts of the kit every few performances.” Not only is it expensive, it can also be extremely difficult to find a match unless you’ve prepared extras in advance, she explains. “You know how musicians are. They see a new piece and go, Where’s my ‘Yamehameha’, I can’t play on ‘Marshmallow’! And there’s over twenty bands with an average of five members each! We can’t possibly prepare replacements for them all!”

It appears that the veteran drummer has adapted his cage fighting techniques to give us some beastly beats, such as heard in the group's recent hit "Radioactive Sky", but is he really more worthy of the spot than young musicians? Read an exclusive interview with Howard Molly, one of MÄNTICORE’s auditioned cast-offs, on page 10!