SPACESTEP

[traumatizing]

FLASHSTEPPING TOWARD THE STARS?

-Juniper Blake          

Pride Records' flagship boyband Flashstep have been fast risers in the charts, accumulating notoriety and critical acclaim for their catchy hooks and swaying hips faster than literally other boyband we can think of at the time of writing this article. Members Jamie Hemeros and Maxxie Oliver have become household names in under a year, which speaks highly of their talent as a group and as individuals.

Or does it, perhaps, speak of something far more dangerous?

The Ancient Astronaut Louisiana Institute of Education and Notions have been watching Flashstep closely since they flashed into our lives, and they've made some alarming observations. For instance, the basslines of many Flashstep songs focus on frequencies not unlike that as the unidentified buzzing of UVB-76. Something many Extraparanormal researchers have theorised is used to maintain communications with some offworld force.

[A Youtube video comparing the bassline of a Flashstep song with the buzzing played on UVB-76. The link is tenuous.]

The rhythm of the first lyrical phrase in their choruses is also, very similar to morse code. Again not dissimilar to mysterious Letter Stations, whose official purposes are as yet unknown, but theorised by man to be a means of communication.

[Another Youtube video comparing Flashstep songs to morse code for random characters. The link between the two is, again, extremely tenuous.]

We will be airing a full expose on our YouTube channel next month, but for now we can only theorise? What is Flashstep's purpose? Do they operate on behalf of the government, speaking on Earth's behalf to far away threats? Or are they, perhaps, visitors from another world, here to initiate first contact?

Check in with us next month to find out.