EXCLUSIVE

[nibelungvalesti]

Pregnancy Hormones Drive Keyboardist Crazy

Vocalist With Massive Hair to Blame

The cold, unapproachable Lenneth of defunct band Defying Atmosphere shocked fans and professionals alike in her appearance at the Double S Charity Concert by taking the stage under her poorly-known birth name 'Meril' and not only singing, but singing like she was the bastard child of metal and minstrelsy. While fan opinion on this new sound is mixed, the question everyone's lips is 'why'? What brought about this baffling change? Is Meril planning a solo career, heralding the imminent collapse of the attempted Defying Atmosphere 'reboot'? Is she a stunt double for the original Lenneth, hired to replace her after the original committed suicide in the wake of her band's failure?

The truth is even more shocking. Virgo's 'Ice Queen' is pregnant by none other than fellow musician Greg Universe.

"They never came out of the room. They were in there for weeks. Maybe even a whole month," a Virgo staffer who wishes to remain anonymous out of fear of retaliation said. "Sometimes when the door was cracked I could see them all over each other. Legs and arms everywhere, one totally shameless pile. And when they DID come out, they were both exhausted. Looked like they hadn't slept in days. Because they HADN'T," the source concluded with a knowing nod and a wink.

What started as mere speculation was confirmed at the same charity concert by numerous sources who spotted the two band members in a passionate lip-lock backstage, without any regard for propriety or dignity. Though such behavior is expected of Universe, not even searing lust could crack the Ice Queen's shell without a healthy course of biochemical influence.

Though fans will doubtless despair that their beloved musician won't return to them till maternity has taken its toll, Universe refused to take responsibility for his actions -- requests for comment were ignored and a band itinerary recently put out by Virgo Records contains no reference to the singer attending doctor's appointments with his child's mother.

Will Defying Atmosphere's fragile new existence survive this bombshell revelation? Will violinist Rarity quit now that her dreams of becoming Mrs. Universe are in danger, or will performances now host a vicious clash of personalities as the two divas struggle to one-up each other in the contest for Universe's loins? Fans of the band may bemoan its soap-opera state, but the battle ought to be delicious viewing even if the music remains subpar.